We Are All Stars

We are all stars and want to shine brightly, even sometimes when we are surrounded by darkness. So, my favorite holiday is approaching.....Valentine's Day. And, I can either be haunted by memories, or make new Valentine's Day memories. And, as it is fast approaching my mind keeps changing as how to approach it. Well, I am going to fill as many of the voids in my life, as soon as possible. I want to feel love as a good feeling. This I said since the beginning is the hardest for me. Because, when all of this happened I was processing my feelings of being parentless. I was getting used to not having my biggest cheerleader in my corner. The loss of my mom, still leaves a big hole in my heart. Then the divorce part I prefer not to pay too much attention to, especially in my writing. Then the loss of the comfort and security of leaving my home of thirteen years. These all stir in a terrific amount of anger. The cost monitarily and keeping sane has been challenging, to say the least. But, new year and the goal is to just be. Well, the bottom line is I have this part of me that feels if I put myself in vulnerable positions, I am going to triumph and feel stronger by overcoming some kind of challenge. But, I learned my biggest lesson about vulnerabilty this week and it is how we grow. And, it goes back to childhood, especially when it comes to our parents. Because, parents don't want to see you hurt. But, sometimes they have their own sheild of armor because they are protecting themselves from hurt they have felt. I was taught at a young age to avoid confrotation, and basically home is where you felt protected and cared for. But, the part of me that wants to be a painter or writer. Where does that come from? And, I am not too sure if I am more afraid of being a success or a failure at it. So, this all is totally going against my year goal to just "be". But, yesterday I went to New Jersey State Museum and it was so good to put things in perspective. Most of all it gave me time to be with the spirit of my dad. His ancestors put roots in New Jersey in the 1600's. And the museum really gave me perspective on the state of my world. It gave me perspective on the economics, environment and culture of the world today. And, how fast the last few years are in changing compared to when our country was founded. I have a big interest in indigenous crafts. And, to see all the businesses and technology that were invented in our state is amazing. We are a land of life changers and like I said we are all stars. I don't feel anyone shines brighter then another. I feel sometimes your light is not available to others, because we each have vulnerabilities. So, I had some huge break throughs in what I want to title my book and the vision of the cover. And, best of this whole thing is about changing my name. The bottom line it is a big pain in the ass. It messes with my head and my memory blah blah blah. But, my maiden name is Stelle, so this would be my pen name. Stelle I was told by someone in high school means star. And, one of my favorite things to do when I was younger was to just lay down and look at the stars. The Museum of New Jersey has a planetarium and I saw the 3pm show and it was amazing. Like always, something I am inspired by has a rock and roll connection. And, it was about Voyager, which ironically was happening when I was eighteen. That tender age of wonder of how the future of my life would play out. But, I forgot there was the Chuck Berry Song "Johnny Be Good" playing in space during this time. This is when perspective is put into play. But, it just filled me with a huge amount of awe (whice I am conditioned to need from time to time to help my mood). But, with hope and appreciation for the future. And, to growing old. That is my goal.....I want to not only get old, but grow old gracefully, indepentally and happily. Quote of the day: Dance like nobody is watching. Love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's heaven on earth. Mark Twain Song of the Day: Ghosts Bruce Springsteen

DeJaVu

My favorite story from when I owned my store in Convention Hall in Asbury Park, is when Graham Nash visited my store. He was probably in my store for a half an hour. I stood in the door with his manager (who looked like a young David Crosby). I mostly chatted with his manager about Jackson Browne (he managed him also). And, every now and then Graham would look up and ask a question. He asked how long the store was open? I said it was the first week. He said that is really cool. I explained how we just started a year ago, and ended up on the boardwalk. But, the record part was not how the store originated. I said it originated with my greeting cards and my daughter's artwork. He said that is really cool. I was afraid to ask him anything, because I didn't want him to leave. Another person came in who they both knew, and he started talking about the Rascals. And, then I just listened, but don't remember too much. Then a customer came in and almost fainted when he saw Graham Nash. He asked if they could shake hands, and told him he was a big fan. And, then swiftly Graham walked out the door, after shaking his hand and thanking him. But, then I had time to think....uh oh. I had made a scrapbook from the CSN cover DEJAVU. My favorite album cover to make a scrapbook with because it looked like leather and had gold embossing. More of this story is here written the day after it happened: Greetings from Geralyn blog.. I am getting pretty meloncoly just thinking about it. Because, in my wildest dreams, I just could not imagine something like this happening to me. But, it did. What I have been through in the last year is SO hard, when it comes to the memories. I was actually thinking last night how I talked to Graham, but didn't talk to David. But, I did! So, this morning I had to write about it. But, it is making me feel worse. I am so sick of hurting and feeling loss over and over again. I have made myself feel and not avoid. And, I am not going to do that anymore. I am going to move forward and make new memories. Like I have said over and over this year. Our lives are the best mystery book ever written. NO one knows the ending. P.S. As I finished writing.....I looked out the window to a blue sky....Thank God! Cheers to today...it's a whole new day with a clear blank slate. Make the most of today and every day! Quote of the Day: Don't waste the time. Time is the final currency, man. Not money, not power - it's time. David Crosby Song of the Day: David Crosby River Rise

Revolution

Inspired by my writing class, yesterday, to write this morning. I noticed on January 3rd and December 23rd I have drafts and an empty page. I usually am inspired by something and then write. I was very inspired starting the year seeing a Southside concert at the Basie and Matisse exhibitions in Philadelphia with my friend over New Year's weekend, and nothing came of it. I thought of a painting I wanted to try my hand at, and never picked up a brush. I organized all of my card making supplies, and not a card was made. In class our leader Mike, said inspiration without action is entertainment. I agree, completely. So, today is my revolution with a plan of action. It is a Sunday, so I should just be resting and getting ready for another week working full time. But, luckily my revolution is about change. And, it involves the Arts, so it is enjoyable at the same time. And, each time I take action, and complete something I am inspired by it, as a giant step in moving forward. My first call to action is to watch the complete CBS Sunday morning show without looking at my phone or computer. Second, is to paint a Renoir painting in Matisse style. Third, is to take action on my Trades of Hope business. I would like to do something for International Women's Day. I will research and reach out to a few venues. Lastly, I will get my refrigerator full, so I can bring my lunch all week. Making sure I am nourished, and save some money, by bringing my lunch. And, lastly I hope to make plans for a vacation in February. I chose this song today, because I heard it on the radio yesterday. It brought a smile to my face, because I LOVE it! It reflects a lot about the women's revolution and Asbury Park in the 70's. It makes me feel like we still need some work in this revolution thing. There have been some changes, and like she is saying it is going to be alright. Asbury Park was full of music this weekend. I have in the past spent the week at Light of Day, to support the music and the cause (Parkinson's Disease). I didn't buy my combo ticket this year, and Ian did play some venues. I would have liked to have been there. I did see my son played a private event with Alexander Simone ( he is the grandson of Nina Simone). And, I wondered what Nina Simone would think looking down from heaven. And, since this is also Martin Luther King weekend and we are given a Federal Holiday (to use for a service day). I think she is looking down at Asbury Park and smiling. Everything is all right.....like she is wishing for in the song. And, right now that is my simple wish.....just everything BE alright. Song of the day: Nina Simone Revolution Quote of the day: Gloria Steinham: "Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all is a form of planning." - Gloria Steinem.