The Memory Keeper

I took this picture while my hair was still wet before I walked to Sea Hear Now. Today is my first real FREE day in I don't know how long. And, my mind is full of thoughts as I try to figure out how to spend it. I have slowed down bringing things to my new condo, because I am pulling up the carpet to put in new vinyl flooring. It is my birthday week. I have been going through my mom's pictures. And, my brother's birthday was the 9th, sister's the 10th, and my mom's was the 11th. I also have good friends who share my mom's birthday, I should have called. I should have called my sister, because she has been calling me every Tuesday for a year. I told her last week I would call her this week, because I didn't get a card in the mail. Oh gosh, then all the negative thoughts of guilt come rolling in. I also am still in a turmoil in all the stuff I still have. So, as I approach my birthday tomorrow, I am going to try to be easy on myself. I have a fun couple days planned. And, I really enjoyed the last few days fitting a lunch out yesterday. I was joined by a friend and I had the Great Pumpkin pancakes at Turning Point. It was free from joining thier site. I can't wait to have the leftovers today. It was so good, and the pumpkin chai was delightful. I hope to take a walk on the beach today, and do some artwork. It just is really nice, to not have to move or pack anything. I am really realizing how long of a loss it was for my mom and brother. When you have relatives who have alzhiemers and dementia, you lose them way before they die. And, your relationship changes as they change. To say the last ten years has been hard would be an understatement. I just have to learn how to move on and not think of it so much. It does feel good to move forward. But, the birthday thing with my family, all but my dad, born in the same week has always been a challenge. We never really celebrated all together as a family. And, it really becomes sad, when I think of it too much. So, onward and focusing on celebrating my birthday with my nieces tomorrow.