Still Curious

Still wondering.....questioning.....with a mind full of thoughts,if I am moving forward? I wonder if a year is long enough to know if I should feel any differently. I, of course, am granting myself more time to move through this muddy situation. But, I am getting tired of it all. I want and invite all the feelings I am feeling. But, I can't understand how day in and day out, I can't quiet all of the memories or fear of the future. So, I took some time off of writing and social media to see if it would help. It really didn't. I still scroll to see if I will read the right quote, linger on an ispiring place to travel or listen to a video to help me cope. I am so glad I could take a vacation and not think about work or moving. But, just one week back to work and packing on my days off and time is flying by. I am grateful each day, I know I am capable of doing all of this. I am hoping I can give myself an answer sometime soon. I know most of all, I want my security back. Now, I just need to feel secure. I have to stop the worst case scenario way of thinking. I have to be prepared in case something happens to my job, my car, my teeth, my overall health, and learn how to relax again. My attention span has made me not even able to focus on a tv show without picking up the computer or phone. I am looking for something. I guess I am looking for answers. And, the conclusion to that is what I learned when my life changed and I moved out of my home a year ago. Life is a mystery. So, yes be curious, but just live every day and enjoy it. I really have approached all of this with the least amount of stress as possible. And, I think what I was learning yesterday, as I got more and more stressed, was scrolling on my phone and watching tv relaxes me. So, what did I do I bought a tv and tried to do the cable myself. It didn't work, because there was a cable missing. So, on my way to Staples I try to get the cable while I try to get something printed. Then the amount of stress to just put in a order for printing, forces me to just print it at home (at my own cost). And, then I went to get bubble wrap to make packing easier. I pick out the least expensive and it rings up double the cost. So, I walked out of Staple's empty handed. This morning I am approaching this all with curiosity. What can I do to help myself. And, the bottom line is for me to just get through this week, and do as much as possible to stay stress free. Write down my thoughts, and go from here. Hang on, but let go! Celebrate all the wins I have had in this year. And, forget about the rest.......but, right now I realize my biggest fear is forgetting. So, the struggle is real, and this time I might have to think about making some changes in my life. I am too hard on myself. But, I have to figure out how to simplify it for next year. Because, I never felt I have enough time. I am always in a hurry. So much so, it takes a great effort NOT to forget to eat. So, maybe it is about time I make another change in how I spend my time.