This Little Light Of Mine

This is a picture of me from last year at this time. I can't believe this is where I lived last winter. I still can't believe I lived there by myself from January until May. It is a good example of how I was able to let faith win over fear. But, life still is unfolding for me, and to be able to do things I would dream about, astounds me. I would pull my matching blue and white Kia Soul car each night facing the ocean. Witnessing picture perfect skies with moon rises, and think: "Yes, this is where I belong." But, at the same time realizing I had to find a place to settle in. I was able to give a rest to what faced me in 2022. But, as December fast approaches, I am deeply proud of myself, for where I have landed. And, hope to lead a more peaceful and restful life. I was feeling restless, until I faced moving in and out of the studio apartment. Then, I was left feeling totally empty and exhausted. Now, it's time to look forward with a refreshed look on life. I have been doing more reading then writing. And, going forward I probably won't be writing as much. I hope to organize what I have written, in some way to inspire others. I believe we each have our own stories. I never felt my story mattered much. Who am I to inspire others? Well, who am I not to inspire others? My very good friend, who attended college with me and we studied art together. We have our conversations as we are going to do something "artsy". I think it was when we were going from the sunflower field to the Princeton Museum of Art. We said we didn't feel like we had a voice. We devoted most of our life to our families, and loved being the creators of the life we imagined. But, now there is a certain amount of frustration in the thought of we have so much more we want to create to let our voices be heard. She is coming up from Florida this Christmas with her husband. We will be spending New Year's Eve together. I can't wait to see what we come up with. We are both working full time, now. And, both totally moved into our new homes. I love the thought of us setting some new goals of creating some art. She is a very talented painter and spent more then twenty years painting murals in people's homes. I think my problem is I don't like painting canvases, because I don't like them enough to hang in my own home. But, I have blank doors and thirty year old furniture. I can see me painting everything in sight with a folk art style. I just have to be brave, and can't wait to talk to her and have her input. I also would love her to paint something and leave her mark, while she is here. Today I am looking forward to putting away the last of everything I have moved here. And, then finish putting up the Christmas lights. Work has been very busy, and I am looking forward to Christmas! Quote of the day: Our Deepest Fear By Marianne Williamson Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small Does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, As children do. We were born to make manifest The glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others. Note: This inspiring poem is taken from Marianne Williamson's book A Return to Love. Song of the day:Bruce Springsteen: This Little Light of Mine Live in Dublin

The Art of Living in the Present

This picture was taken about five years ago on one of our many cruises. I am thankful for all the vacations we went on. We took one to two cruises a year when we didn't have the store. I am used to always having something planned to look forward to. This year no vacation was ever planned. But, with my job I do get a good amount of time off. It is the most weekends I have ever worked (again the store I owned was in a great location and it was a great place to be in every weekend for five years)at a job, since waitressing 40 years ago. So, I am just getting through the day to day without much time to plan anything. I hope next year is different. But, I am thankful for all of my vacation memories and look forward to making new ones. But, part of my journey to joy is about how important it is to have a change of scenery every once in awhile. I love driving and looking out the car window. It's hard to be in a mall, but at least our store is fronted by windows, so I get to see a parade of people each day. Also, since I was near the beach last year, I really appreciated my walks. I had to stop bringing my phone, because I would probably take about twenty pictures each day to capture these amazing moments. I captured sunrises, sunsets, blooming flowers, dolphins, oyster catchers, sandpipers, whale's feeding, rainbows,and concerts. But, at the end of the day I still ask myself "why?". I will definitely figure it out, someday. I just have to put it together one day in some kind of order. So, I am finishing, now, what I started to write yesterday. It was a crazy day, but the first whole day I spent in my new home. I was awaiting a new sofa and loveseat. It was due to arrive from 7:30am-10am. They arrived after 4pm, along with an email at 12:30 that the order was cancelled. Many robo calls and texts later, I was able to talk to a human being. It finally worked out. I was able to fully relax for the first time, in a very long time. So, this brings me to one of the hardest things to do. Not expect anything, and to live in serenity. So, yesterday gave me the time to start putting away and organizing. Some things brought up emotions, and I had enough time to let that happen and flow. I found two things that gave me the most comfort. I hung them up in prominent places, to read from time to time. They are the Serenity Prayer, which was the first thing I hung at my first house on Brielle Road in Manasquan. The other was a cross stitch given to me by my Aunt when we bought our first house. She was an avid sewer. She was a wonderful person, my father's sister. We went to the Folk Art Museum in New York together. And, we were able to go to an National Quilt show, also. Each quilt represented each of the states, and were very artistic reflecting where the makers were from. So, it ended up a difficult day, but I got through it. And, this morning I think I have a plan to get the last of my things put away. So, I think to live and appreciate the present, I can not just forget the past. It is to have an appreciation and, honestly some sorrow. But, when I really look at the past. I can honestly say if there was a struggle, there always was a silver lining. I am looking forward to new memories. I am setting up creative and cozy corners. I can't wait to get to do some creating, and decorating for the holidays. Quote of the Day: The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Song of the Day: Elvis Costello: Peace Love and Understanding

The Art of Creating Calm

How to find calm in this current chaotic conundrum? These times of uncertainty, how do we keep hopeful? When our lives are constantly changing, how do we find the faith? And, when things beyond our control, make us feel unloved? I say we, because personally I may be going through some changes, but during this time in history everyone globally is, also. For, me life is whizzing by too fast to think about it. But, I honestly am amazed in my resilliance. Most of all finding the calm in the storm. So, I am taking the time to think about it in the morning, and writing about it. Because, it does seem to help others. And, what I do, comes natural. And, in the end, I think that is the answer. Don't get me wrong, I am scrolling and surfing the internet daily for inspiration and answers to my own conundrum. I love the word even, conundrum. But, basically I am looking for answers, and really I have all the answers inside me. I just have to trust myself. And, that is where the deep soul searching comes in. Well, with real life we don't all have the time for that. We are just all trying to keep our head above water. And, so what do we do naturally to stay afloat? We keep swimming or treading water. No one else knows your inner turmoil. If you are lucky, you do. I am lucky, I have empathetic friends. But, naturally we all find our way to hold our head up high. I call it survival mode. Because, each day, naturally that is what we are doing. I love the English saying: "Keep Calm and Carry On". There were signs made up for this and hung all over England after World War II. I sold items like this in my store, and the first day after Sandy I sold out of all of them. They were by local Artists who were licensed by Peter Pauper and they read " Keep Calm and have a cupcake" Their names are Jen and Aaron and there business is: "Everyday is a Holiday". So, anyway I think naturally we create our own calm. But, I also think we create our own choas. So, be careful how you calm yourself. Because, if it is with food, it can become unhealthy. I DO comfort myself with food. I was told once, this is ok, because it is needed to survive. It is better then drugs or alcohol. But, not really. It is not healthy. Sugar can give you a high, but too much of it can be a bad thing. So, looking back I can see when I was treading water the most, I became the heaviest. And, this is the time I was working the most. As women, how do we find the balance? In all my sixty-some years, I have not found it. I am always juggling or forgetting something, to not really feel relaxed. I constantly have my guard up. When, I finally feel calm, I think something is going to happen to wreck it. So, slowly I am realizing all of this. I am taking healthy action to gather my stregnth. And, the biggest thing I can do is recognize my stregnth. I am proud of myself. But, along with that is my biggest weakness is, I HATE to ask for help. And, when you work in management, that is the name of the game. But, I find stregnth in relying on myself, and myself only. I can not, and will not control others. And, that is how I find the calm. Knowing the difference of what I can control and what I can not. So, this week, I want to create reels in instagram of my most relaxing, calming days I've had this year. Along with my favorite music, afterall that is what really calms me, too. My biggest surprise was my most calm day was in New York City. So, we can find the calm in the chaos. Just surround yourself with good people, go to places you have never been to before, and let someone else be in control. And, to end this all, I have a belief system of I am not really in control of anything...God is in control of everything. Hence, my mom's bumper sticker: Let Go Let God

Counting My Blessings

This picture was taken in January of 2022. I was approaching the new year of 2022 with faith, hope and love. These were words that all have new meaning for me, this year. But, struggling through, I am able to see where those words come in to be able to see a future, positively. Without those three words in your life, you are stuck. The last thing I want, ever, is to feel stuck. I want to continually feel I am learning and moving forward in my journey. And, this year I am going to make a right turn and get right back on my journey to joy. It is alright for me to look back, from time to time. But, it is most important for me to look forward and onward. I have some ideas of what my journey to joy will look like. And, I have a month and a half to come up with a plan. I hope to pick a picture from each month in 2022, to tell a story of what I am most thankful for this year. I am thankful for people, places and things. People who have listened to me, places that have comforted me and my things. Oh God, my things. What a guilt trip my things give me! But, as I unpack each and everything I have carried along the way, I am thankful for the stories they tell. An example, is just finding a bookmark. But, it tells me something I really need to hear at the moment. Or a picture of me with my brother and cousin, Babs. They are both gone now, but the picture was from when I first opened my shop on Cookman in Asbury Park. I don't feel as sad when I look at all the pictures, now. The job of going through them is overwhelming. But, they are all in one place, and I have room to organize them all, now. My family's history is up to me to tell it's story. I want my children's memories to be something they want to remember, but most of all treasure. This was a lot of responsibility to put on me, during a time I was still grieving the loss of my mom. But, some how, having all this loss at once. It is making me want to move on quickly. Fall, is a time of loss as we watch the trees become barren. But, we know keeping faith, hope and love. Spring will be here before we know it, with the rebirth of new fresh leaves. And, in abundance.....I want the feeling of abundance of love, again. Love is a feeling and it is all around me, even if I am physically alone. Quote of the day: "Don't Cry Because it is over. Smile because it happened" Dr. Seuss Song of the day: Better Days Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes

Free Spirit

What does it mean to be a free spirit? It is the first thing I read behind a picture, when we started packing up my mom's room. It is what she wanted all of her children to be. And, happily I am glad she wanted us to be free spirits, and she felt we were. But, that is a question I ask myself. Am I really? No, I work, worry, doubt, and feel trapped too much to believe I am a free spirit. In reality it is a lot of work for me to feel like a free spirit. So, that has been my goal this year. I have used a monarch butterfly as my muse. I wore the costume visiting a fairy village in Conneticut and wearing it to work yesterday for Halloween. I also, use a fairy as a muse also, helping me through the moving I have endured three times this year. At the end of this week I should be all moved in. I have spent all of my days off from work, packing and carrying a car load of my books and art supplies to my new condo, since my vacation. This is heavy for me still, because I wish I didn't still have so many things. But, they are a part of me and my history. They are my treasures. I am working on making memory boxes of my loved ones, so it will be more joyful to pass on momentos of family memories. I want to be a treasure to remember. Not, a burden. So happy I kept some holiday decorations. And, I am really looking forward to unpacking and decorating. It is really nice to have today off. Going to Catholic School we always had the day off after Halloween for All Saints Day. It was really hard to mourn the dead, with all that candy. But, after the age of 12 I always wished for that day off, again. And, starting to work at that age and being in customer service I work most Sundays each week. So much for a free spirit, when I am working so much. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Part of my goal is to make these years golden. And, I believe that is through attitude, gratefulness and really seeing all the silver linings life brings. I love the golden days of Autumn and am looking forward to savoring each and every one. Happy November!