Night

There is a beautiful sliver of a moon remaining in the sky, as I lift the blinds this morning. I am trying to build the feeling I had the Spring of my senior year of high school. We were on split sessions, I had a job I could get to by a Coast Cities bus, I babysat whenever I could, and I had a nice group of friends. Believe it or not, I still can't believe it. My parents trusted me enough, for them to be in Florida with my grandparents during that time. I never told my friends or my boyfriend. There was always the station wagon in the driveway to make it look like they were home. I could use that car for emergencies. And, I ate mostly at the restaurant I worked at. I would always say I needed to be home by midnight, so I didn't get in trouble with my parents. But, as graduation was approaching, I was able to go out more and more. And, test my limits. My favorite risk taking activity was to go to bars to see local bands playing. Yes, there was the drinking, but for me it was more about live music. By this time also, Bruce Springsteen was famous and a lot of bands were covering his songs. I knew not to push things by going to Asbury Park at night. My brother had already learned lifelong lessons of a lifestyle that changed his life forever in his early years. He was told at the age of twenty his liver was so bad, if he had another drink it would kill him. He also had a lot of brain damage from drug use and couldn't hold down a job. He lived in the same group home in Asbury Park from his mid twenties until he died at age 61. He was my hero and still is. We were very close growing up and it was heartbreaking to see a vibrant boy that I looked up to grow into the man he was. But, watching my older brother and sister navigate through very difficult teenage years, gave me boundries and guidelines of how I would live my life. I would have as much fun and light hearted moments as possible, and not be under influence of anything that I would injest to make me feel that way. That's not to say I don't drink, I just don't abuse alcohol. I do admit I need it to feel more social or relaxed, but the need is subsiding as I get older. At this time Born to Run would be an album I was listening to a lot. I have great memories, especially at graduation parties with this album playing. A party on the beach in Point Pleasant and walking on the beach as Sandy was playing. A garage party where everyone was embraced in a huddle singing "Tenth Avenue Freezeout" at the top of our lungs. My friend having "Thunderoad" as the song to play as we jumped in her car right after we graduated. We blasted it as we left the school parking lot with the windows open blowing back our hair. Our arms outstretched with our tassels in hand blowing in the wind. Hopefully, by now you get the picture. Night was turning into my playground. AND, I wasn't getting into any trouble. It was fun with a bit of a risk. But, luckily no harm done, by having fun. Quote of the day: “Suffering is the price of being alive, and it is music and singing and art that has helped me live through some of the most difficult things that have happened to me.” — Judy Collins Song of the day: Night by Bruce Springsteen

Honeysuckle Rose

If you had to write a paper or an essay about the most hopeful place you have ever been, what would it be? I would say it is Asbury Park, NJ. Growing up in the area, it is where we shopped for our Easter outfits and school clothes and shoes. And, when the riots in the early 70's happened, the first place that went up in flames was where we bought our school shoes each year. To say that did not have an impact on me would be an understatement. A year never passed without driving through, and witnessing the decay. The decline of people on the streets. Buildings and the boardwalk abondoned. The candy shop was still there. The Stone Pony was able to gallop through. And, then a miracle happened. It slowly, very slowly rose from the ashes. It has a rich history being born during Victorian times and was a city at one time. It is still considered a city (I think). But, I am sure at the worst of times it didn't have very many residents. When you think of ghost towns, you think of the wild west. But, Asbury Park became a giant ghost town. I am trying to articulate in my writing the importance of ghosts and spirits that in the end turn fear into hope. Stigma and reputation can cause fear to visit a place or get to know a person. I am trying to have more faith over fear. So, this Spring I am going to try to spend more time in Asbury Park. I can't wait to visit the temporary Asbury Park Museum in the Berkley Carteret. And, best of all just around the corner is the Light of Day shows. As, I get older I feel I need to fill my soul with what is hopeful. And, lately I have been meeting and working with incredibly hopeful people. And, to get through this time of the pandemic and overcome we are going to have to feel hopeful. Today I visited the website of the historical society and will share a song I found that was written in a house in Asbury Park in the 1920's...If history teaches us anything, some say this is all leading to an era like the Roaring Twenties...Wouldn't that be nice? Quote of the Day: “This is so nice, it must be illegal.” -- Fats Waller Song of the Day: Honeysuckle Rose by Fats Waller

'Til the Sun Comes Up

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I worked an eight hour day. But, as I drove there, I listened to the radio and set out some goals. And, my first customer was amazing. Not, a big purchase. But, she was buying for the nurses for her husband who is in rehab after getting out of the hospital. Anyway, I set my intentions and they came true. I simply love customer's stories. My emotions are still on the surface, but I am finding that to listen to someone else is really helping me heal. The other is the sunrise. And, the friends I have made watching the sunrise. Friendship is the main thing that has helped me. I have the three truest and best friends a person could ask for. Each having their own stories, but they really listen, and are compassionate to what I am going through. One, even knew exactly when to text me to see how I was. And, it was always needed at that exact time. These friendships have lasted more then thirty years. I am also forming new friendships, which is SO unexpected. But, yet much needed. I am so grateful. At a time I just want to escape from everything, I am glad friendship is there for me. And, then there are the quotes that are positive and reassuring. Taking the photographs and sharing them, gives me some purpose. And, each comment is always appreciated. And, then there is the music. I am back to hearing just the right song when I need it. Love each morning thinking about a blog post and then going to you tube to hear some comforting classics. But, then on the side bar there are some suggestions. Today's song came to me this way. Sara Baresilles' songs are the most comforting to me. I don't own any of her records, but I think she might be the next record I buy. Quote of the Day: Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. Anais Nin Song of the Day: A Safe Place to Land Sara Bareilles and John Legend

Living in a Dollhouse

I have been wanting to write about my dollhouse for a a few months, now. But, I didn't want to lose focus of my theme of writing about vinyl records. But, in my writing class we were to write about something in our bedroom. At the age of 62 I am living in a winter rental. I have brought my clothes, books, art supplies and my dollhouse. It came totally furnished and my kitchen has everything I needed. So, why the doll house? My parents gave it to me when I was thirteen. Last year I was spending a lot of time confronting my childhood and growing up. And, the dollhouse makes perfect sense. I just started Brene Brown's "Anatomy of the Heart". Her first few pages are about her super powers growing up. Again, someone is influencing me to have the confidence to write about what I am learning at this stage of my life. And, actually I learned it when I presented my dollhouses to my daughter. It wasn't on Christmas morning. It was a normal afternoon when her bedroom was complete. She had a maroon carpet and we finished furnishing it. She probably was around eight. We sat on the floor together, and I started pulling the furniture that was packed away before I left for college. So, I had not looked at it for twenty years. As,I pulled each item out and looked at it, I was truly amazed. The blue wing chair was just like the one we had in our first house. The carpet was maroon, just like hers. The wallpaper I chose was just like the wallpaper I used in our first house. Of course, there was a lot of blue and white wallpaper and even decals to make blue and white dishes. I didn't really understand what I was feeling, but it was good. But, now through my readings and actually doing meditation, it was one of my first ways to manifest. All of these dreams happened for me of what I wanted in a house, and what I had put in the houses. We owned a total of three. The first two were completely designed, rebuilt and remodeled by my husband and I. It is something I am very proud of. Because, it happened in our early twenties. When we were in our fifties we moved into a retirement house and didn't have to do a thing inside or out. So, I brought the dollhouse here for comfort and I was going to decorate it for Christmas, but never had the opportunity. This time when I went through the box of furniture. I noticed a chaise couch that was an exact match for the chaise couch I was sleeping on when I was staying a my daughters. It is where I was reading to my grandson. I held it in my hand for a long time. It was awe inspiring. It was validating the manifestation, again. It was a powerful lesson in the wishes and dreams of a child coming true. During all of this time of unexpected transition, my daugher also moved. But, I was rushed to see her before she moved in with her in-laws. I just had to take a picture of the minature chaise couch on top of the real one. I also found a minature wooden ironing board. The bungalow that we first bought in 1982 was a beach house owned by the same family since it was built in the 20's. It came with all the furniture, which we used for many years. Some, furniture came along with us to our next house. But, when that house was completed I sold anything that was antique and had all new furniture. This was a big deal for me. It was also a big deal to finally have a refrigerator with an ice maker. I never will take any of those accomplishments for granted. This week I came to the conclusion of what has lead me to where I am right now. It is totally meant to be. It is a grand navy blue and white victorian house across from the sea. I have a bedroom, small eating area, bathroom with the large porclain tub and a teeny tiny kitchen. All decorated in the finest french decor. It is actually named the Versaille chalet. As, the eating area is surrounded by gold antique mirrors. All I can think of is me, as little girl, riding in the convertible with my dad looking at the remarkable Victorian Houses across the street from the ocean. I would hear stories growing up how my grandfather wanted to buy the house that was an old lifeguard station across from the North End Pavillion in Spring Lake. There was an empty lot next to it for my mom and dad to build a house. And, my mom said no. I asked whyyyyyyyyyy? And, she answered matter of factly, because I would have get up each morning to drive you to school. We lived in a small cape cod across the street from wreck pond. But, I had the BEST time in that neighborhood. My mom also grew up in an apartment, and that is how she spent her years after my dad died. But, anyway I am house hunting again. Something I always have loved to do. But, this market, right now, it is fierce and ugly for the buyer. I know what I want but, I am going to put up with quite the fight to get what I want. And, that is not my nature. No bidding WARS for me, oh no!!! So, after putting two offers on two houses which were realistic for me to afford, I am taking a wait and see attitude. Whatever will be will be. But, I really can't wait to get into something and start nesting again! I am including a video of Bruce Springsteen, as he talks about manifestation. It is the best way to consciencely set goals. But, you can NOT have the expection of it happening. Life is not like that. I have many trips to Atlantic City, Las Vegas and casinos on cruise ships to prove that! I manifest every time I sit in front of a slot machine LOL. But, it is a yearning in a quiet mindful way. It is what Disney taught us about wishing. And, it is the thoughts we think of when we hear a good song we can relate to. It is incredibly useful in goal setting. But, it can't come with instant satifaction as a result. Goals are worked for with a lot of sweat and tears. I just think, honestly, it is as easy as, do good and get good. Instead of a quote, I have included a video of Bruce Springsteen talking about manifestation. I feel we experience "the magic trick" in our everyday lives, but we don't really have the time to think about it. But, an Artist, Songwriter, dancer,actor, and author thinks about it everytime they create something. And, the trick is how to do it without thinking. But, then they are judged on what they are thinking about when they are creating something. What??? And, success comes out of something they don't think about, they just do it. But, that is a magic trick. It is still not based on what you do, but how people react to what you do. So, it gets all turned around for what reasons you do something. And, for some it is a sense of freedom, and some it is to make money. But, when you study Art, you realize the greatest Artists didn't make any money while they were alive. This is mostly only happening, now. And, it becomes tricky when an artist needs the money to survive. Anyway, I can't wait to start writing more about the records of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Steve Van Zandt, and Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes. Because, they played a part in a pivotable time of my life. I want to go deep into my childhood for you, the reader, to understand the part they played in making me the person who I am today. But, as much as I want to write about it, it is still too painful. I would rather forget about it. But, I will try. I just have to figure out a way to be loyal to the ones I love. And, not show my family growing up in a bad light. Pride is a very important feeling, and no matter what, I will always be proud of whoever I have loved.

I have more pictures I will include on my instagram stories today. Song of the day: Dollhouse by Bruce Springsteen

I am Like a Broken Record

Finally, I opened the Coldplay record "Music of the Spheres" I bought over Christmas. I bought it when I was working at King of Prussia. There is a huge two story Urban Outfitters, there. I had to go upstairs to get checked out by one person working the whole entire store! Ever since that time, I have recovered from covid, but I am having a hard time doing things that I enjoy. I have a lot of tasks to get done at home and at work. So, I had the last two days off and I stopped myself from getting in the car. I decided to just enjoy where I am, right now. It was an amazing experience. I feel so much better, and ready to work a full week. There is this part of life I am really trying to embrace. I don't know whether it comes from getting older. I don't know whether I am not "conditioned" to think this way. But, most of my experiences with life is to go...go...go ALL of the time. I really felt guilty with all of my time last year. Looking back I spent a lot of time watching Netflix and painting each day. But, deep down I know my body and soul really needed that time. So, I have to say my favorite time of the last two days was listening to Coldplay's new record: "Music of Spheres". I put the record on and sat and listened for a while. But, the next thing I knew I was dusting and cleaning the bathroom floor. I really needed some motivation. But, most of all it made me enjoy chores I hate to do. It also brought thoughts of a higher power and spirits to light for me. And, it is really making me realize that a lot of how I feel is me, but also a higher power. These thoughts kind of scare me at the same time. Because, I feel so much of the time, we are responsible for our own happiness. But, that is where my Catholic education comes in. And, I realize why we pray to the holy spirit. It is in the father, son and holy ghost we bless ourselves. But, to write about this is scary. Reading the lyrics and following along with the music of Coldplay gave me some extra confidence. When you buy a record, you get the whole picture of what an Artist is creating. And, through images and the sound, it creates a feeling. Videos in the early 80's were wonderful in that way, also. But, you went from Artist to Artist and never were able to stay with it. I am so glad Artists like Bruce Springsteen are able to put it all together in a record and a movie like Western Stars. Basically, I am glad if Bruce Springsteen ever yelled out at a concert I attending: "Is Anybody Alive Out there?". I would be estactic to be able to yell back "YES!!!". Quote of the day: "Everyone is an alien somewhere" Coldplay Song of the day: Coldplay Higher Power

Eyes of a Freebird

I am trying. Yes, really trying to get through this year with as many challenges and changes it is bringing as lightly as possible. I am looking at images of butterfies, seagulls, robins and any bird in sight. I am embracing my new freedom. And, trying to look at the world in the most positive light as possible. Most of the time it happens easily. I just wake up that way. But, then there are hard things to get done, and it is out of my control. The anger inside starts to bubble and fill my body with an intense burning feeling. This really isn't happening too much to me lately. Mostly because I am avoiding situations that make me feel this way. I feel optimistic, thank God. And, I am looking forward to the future. But, questions like "what are you going to do? where are you going to live? are you afraid you are not going to find somewhere to live? are asked of me. And, of course, that is my biggest worry. But, I have to look at my life right now, and really soak this in. I may never have this opportunity again. Or, I could do some moving around a lot from summer to winter to figure out how to have this lifestyle for awhile. I just have to have that attitude I had in the beginning of last year. And, just ride this storm out....gracefully. So, today is the perfect day to have a perfect day. I am going to get a lot of tasks completed, but going to enjoy the sunshine with temps in the 50's. I would like to share from the bible what I read at this time last year. It really helped me and I absolutely love waking up to the sights and sounds of the ocean each morning: Sunday, February 28, 2021 Mark 4:1-9 Again, Jesus began to teach beside the sea. Such a very large crowd gathered around him that he got into a boat on the sea and sat there, while the whole crowd was beside the sea on the land. He began to teach them many things in parables, and in his teaching, he said to them: “Listen! A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it did not have much soil, and it sprang up quickly, since it had no depth of soil. And when the sun rose, it was scorched; and since it had no root, it withered away. Other seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no grain. Other seed fell into good soil and brought forth grain, growing up and increasing and yielding thirty and sixty and a hundredfold.” And he said, “Let anyone with ears to hear listen!” Last year I was blessed with eight months of not working to concentrate on building myself up emotionally from my roots up. I was also using this time to mourn my mom and loss of a job I loved. But, I do believe it gave me the stregnth of an oak tree, to be able to withstand the break up of my marriage. I wrote this poem around July when this picture was taken. It was when I was feeling light and free a month after I faced the truth of my marriage and we were separated. Eyes of a Freebird Just say the word and I shall be healed soaring like a bird and landing in a field with sunflowers turning and facing the sun nature has it’s powers of making things get done starting from seeds but ending as flowers pulling out the weeds so a garden can be won When I look at the world from up above please make me see the good and all of the love Let me know the seeds to sow and leave the rest to grow because with each seed I truly know the abundance of beauty is about to burst forth If only I let it be there will be beauty for all to see. I know at the time I wrote this, the hardest thing for me to do was to just "Let it be". I was angry, sad, bitter, and I just wanted to shout from the rooftop how life is not fair. I do still have these feelings and it boils up during this time of house searching, the comptetition, the interest rates going up and the amount of phone calls you get when you reach out to financing and real estate agents. But, today I will begin to take a step back and just let it be for a few weeks. Quote of the day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZzOxWAxde0 The Caged Bird Sings Maya Angelou Song of the day: Never owned the record, but did see them live a few years at Summer Stage of Stone Pony. It could be my favorite song. It makes me feel a wide range of emotions. When I first heard it after my brother died it made me cry, because I felt strongly how he was now a freebird. Freebird Leonard Skynard

Golden Years

When I first started writing a blog in 2009, it was about writing memories. It was for my children, to see how I thought and felt. But, when I opened my store it became about self discovery. It is still about that, now. But, I wanted it to be more about musical Artists and the ebbs and flows of their business. And, I find my life has ebbs and flows, but music can play a part in giving me a huge amount of faith. It heals my soul and spirit, so I can go through life better and not bitter. Yesterday was an excellent example. Writing comes with a lot of fear. Because, it is forever on a page. Last year I had some amazing experiences with orbs in my pictures. They happened when I least expected it, but when they were most needed. It was my birthday morning and two days before Christmas. I awoke with this tremenous feeling of anticipation. I couldn't wait to turn the handle of the my door to see a sunrise and meet the new day. And, then when I took pictures and saw the orbs, it scared the living daylight out of me. But, when I started thinking of my favorite Christmas movies, I realized how many were stories of spirits and ghosts. I started thinking of Charles Dickens and how brave he was to tell the story of three ghosts etc. So, during my time at New Years home for a week with covid, my negative and fearful side took over and I thought about it. I decided I am not brave enough to write about it. But, yesterday brought out that inner desire to write about it again. It was the third day off from work trying to do the same three things again, without a result. I won't bore you with the details, but I will give examples. One, is getting the title of my car, one is getting my car fixed under a warranty and the miles are over the warranty (but, I have been complaining about it 15,000 miles ago) Two, is looking for a house to buy in this ever crazy market, and three is getting a dentist appointment to get a crown with my new insurance. It is estimated to cost about $4,000. So, each day I am chipping away at this. Yesterday, on my way to work I decided to call Kia (about my car warranty) and try to get through to someone. The conversation was not good and did not end in my favor. But, I have saved all of my maintainance copies from last year and sent them when I got home and there is still HOPE! And, then my mind went racing. I just started thinking the same damn thing. These are supposed to be the good years, the good life. I am racing around like a maniac for three full days now and I can't finish one thing. I turned on the radio and what song and artist is playing? David Bowie and the song "Golden Years". Oh my God....I thought. Just the song I need to hear. Am I going to live long enough to really enjoy my golden years? And, then I realized he says ANGEL in this song. The song played until I arrived at the parking lot at work, and by the time I opened my car door I was calm. I believe my golden years are here and with me right now. Each morning as the sun rises my room is full of a golden glow and I hear the soothing sound of each wave coming ashore. I just have to take each day as they come, and just enjoy every moment. And, with each moment enjoyed comes the courage to go on. And, not just go on, but to find the courage to write AND share my discoveries with others. Quote of the day: "Gentleness clears the soul, love cleans the mind and makes it free.” David Bowie Song of the day: Golden Years David Bowies