Night

There is a beautiful sliver of a moon remaining in the sky, as I lift the blinds this morning. I am trying to build the feeling I had the Spring of my senior year of high school. We were on split sessions, I had a job I could get to by a Coast Cities bus, I babysat whenever I could, and I had a nice group of friends. Believe it or not, I still can't believe it. My parents trusted me enough, for them to be in Florida with my grandparents during that time. I never told my friends or my boyfriend. There was always the station wagon in the driveway to make it look like they were home. I could use that car for emergencies. And, I ate mostly at the restaurant I worked at. I would always say I needed to be home by midnight, so I didn't get in trouble with my parents. But, as graduation was approaching, I was able to go out more and more. And, test my limits. My favorite risk taking activity was to go to bars to see local bands playing. Yes, there was the drinking, but for me it was more about live music. By this time also, Bruce Springsteen was famous and a lot of bands were covering his songs. I knew not to push things by going to Asbury Park at night. My brother had already learned lifelong lessons of a lifestyle that changed his life forever in his early years. He was told at the age of twenty his liver was so bad, if he had another drink it would kill him. He also had a lot of brain damage from drug use and couldn't hold down a job. He lived in the same group home in Asbury Park from his mid twenties until he died at age 61. He was my hero and still is. We were very close growing up and it was heartbreaking to see a vibrant boy that I looked up to grow into the man he was. But, watching my older brother and sister navigate through very difficult teenage years, gave me boundries and guidelines of how I would live my life. I would have as much fun and light hearted moments as possible, and not be under influence of anything that I would injest to make me feel that way. That's not to say I don't drink, I just don't abuse alcohol. I do admit I need it to feel more social or relaxed, but the need is subsiding as I get older. At this time Born to Run would be an album I was listening to a lot. I have great memories, especially at graduation parties with this album playing. A party on the beach in Point Pleasant and walking on the beach as Sandy was playing. A garage party where everyone was embraced in a huddle singing "Tenth Avenue Freezeout" at the top of our lungs. My friend having "Thunderoad" as the song to play as we jumped in her car right after we graduated. We blasted it as we left the school parking lot with the windows open blowing back our hair. Our arms outstretched with our tassels in hand blowing in the wind. Hopefully, by now you get the picture. Night was turning into my playground. AND, I wasn't getting into any trouble. It was fun with a bit of a risk. But, luckily no harm done, by having fun. Quote of the day: “Suffering is the price of being alive, and it is music and singing and art that has helped me live through some of the most difficult things that have happened to me.” — Judy Collins Song of the day: Night by Bruce Springsteen