Living in a Dollhouse

I have been wanting to write about my dollhouse for a a few months, now. But, I didn't want to lose focus of my theme of writing about vinyl records. But, in my writing class we were to write about something in our bedroom. At the age of 62 I am living in a winter rental. I have brought my clothes, books, art supplies and my dollhouse. It came totally furnished and my kitchen has everything I needed. So, why the doll house? My parents gave it to me when I was thirteen. Last year I was spending a lot of time confronting my childhood and growing up. And, the dollhouse makes perfect sense. I just started Brene Brown's "Anatomy of the Heart". Her first few pages are about her super powers growing up. Again, someone is influencing me to have the confidence to write about what I am learning at this stage of my life. And, actually I learned it when I presented my dollhouses to my daughter. It wasn't on Christmas morning. It was a normal afternoon when her bedroom was complete. She had a maroon carpet and we finished furnishing it. She probably was around eight. We sat on the floor together, and I started pulling the furniture that was packed away before I left for college. So, I had not looked at it for twenty years. As,I pulled each item out and looked at it, I was truly amazed. The blue wing chair was just like the one we had in our first house. The carpet was maroon, just like hers. The wallpaper I chose was just like the wallpaper I used in our first house. Of course, there was a lot of blue and white wallpaper and even decals to make blue and white dishes. I didn't really understand what I was feeling, but it was good. But, now through my readings and actually doing meditation, it was one of my first ways to manifest. All of these dreams happened for me of what I wanted in a house, and what I had put in the houses. We owned a total of three. The first two were completely designed, rebuilt and remodeled by my husband and I. It is something I am very proud of. Because, it happened in our early twenties. When we were in our fifties we moved into a retirement house and didn't have to do a thing inside or out. So, I brought the dollhouse here for comfort and I was going to decorate it for Christmas, but never had the opportunity. This time when I went through the box of furniture. I noticed a chaise couch that was an exact match for the chaise couch I was sleeping on when I was staying a my daughters. It is where I was reading to my grandson. I held it in my hand for a long time. It was awe inspiring. It was validating the manifestation, again. It was a powerful lesson in the wishes and dreams of a child coming true. During all of this time of unexpected transition, my daugher also moved. But, I was rushed to see her before she moved in with her in-laws. I just had to take a picture of the minature chaise couch on top of the real one. I also found a minature wooden ironing board. The bungalow that we first bought in 1982 was a beach house owned by the same family since it was built in the 20's. It came with all the furniture, which we used for many years. Some, furniture came along with us to our next house. But, when that house was completed I sold anything that was antique and had all new furniture. This was a big deal for me. It was also a big deal to finally have a refrigerator with an ice maker. I never will take any of those accomplishments for granted. This week I came to the conclusion of what has lead me to where I am right now. It is totally meant to be. It is a grand navy blue and white victorian house across from the sea. I have a bedroom, small eating area, bathroom with the large porclain tub and a teeny tiny kitchen. All decorated in the finest french decor. It is actually named the Versaille chalet. As, the eating area is surrounded by gold antique mirrors. All I can think of is me, as little girl, riding in the convertible with my dad looking at the remarkable Victorian Houses across the street from the ocean. I would hear stories growing up how my grandfather wanted to buy the house that was an old lifeguard station across from the North End Pavillion in Spring Lake. There was an empty lot next to it for my mom and dad to build a house. And, my mom said no. I asked whyyyyyyyyyy? And, she answered matter of factly, because I would have get up each morning to drive you to school. We lived in a small cape cod across the street from wreck pond. But, I had the BEST time in that neighborhood. My mom also grew up in an apartment, and that is how she spent her years after my dad died. But, anyway I am house hunting again. Something I always have loved to do. But, this market, right now, it is fierce and ugly for the buyer. I know what I want but, I am going to put up with quite the fight to get what I want. And, that is not my nature. No bidding WARS for me, oh no!!! So, after putting two offers on two houses which were realistic for me to afford, I am taking a wait and see attitude. Whatever will be will be. But, I really can't wait to get into something and start nesting again! I am including a video of Bruce Springsteen, as he talks about manifestation. It is the best way to consciencely set goals. But, you can NOT have the expection of it happening. Life is not like that. I have many trips to Atlantic City, Las Vegas and casinos on cruise ships to prove that! I manifest every time I sit in front of a slot machine LOL. But, it is a yearning in a quiet mindful way. It is what Disney taught us about wishing. And, it is the thoughts we think of when we hear a good song we can relate to. It is incredibly useful in goal setting. But, it can't come with instant satifaction as a result. Goals are worked for with a lot of sweat and tears. I just think, honestly, it is as easy as, do good and get good. Instead of a quote, I have included a video of Bruce Springsteen talking about manifestation. I feel we experience "the magic trick" in our everyday lives, but we don't really have the time to think about it. But, an Artist, Songwriter, dancer,actor, and author thinks about it everytime they create something. And, the trick is how to do it without thinking. But, then they are judged on what they are thinking about when they are creating something. What??? And, success comes out of something they don't think about, they just do it. But, that is a magic trick. It is still not based on what you do, but how people react to what you do. So, it gets all turned around for what reasons you do something. And, for some it is a sense of freedom, and some it is to make money. But, when you study Art, you realize the greatest Artists didn't make any money while they were alive. This is mostly only happening, now. And, it becomes tricky when an artist needs the money to survive. Anyway, I can't wait to start writing more about the records of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, Steve Van Zandt, and Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes. Because, they played a part in a pivotable time of my life. I want to go deep into my childhood for you, the reader, to understand the part they played in making me the person who I am today. But, as much as I want to write about it, it is still too painful. I would rather forget about it. But, I will try. I just have to figure out a way to be loyal to the ones I love. And, not show my family growing up in a bad light. Pride is a very important feeling, and no matter what, I will always be proud of whoever I have loved.

I have more pictures I will include on my instagram stories today. Song of the day: Dollhouse by Bruce Springsteen