Craving to Create

This picture of me is a foreshadowing of my future. It was taken in Arizona when I first went on art retreats with a friend. The name of the retreat is on my shirt and it was called a Creative Escape. I am also wearing a Vera Bradley purse. It was part of the Hope series where part of the proceeds went to their breast cancer fund. I was in a magical store, where most items were shabby chic, victorian and there was a vast array of art and scrapbook supplies. When my children were in high school I started scrapbooking regularly on Sunday nights with a couple of friends. Yesterday, I was watching a morning news show. I can't think of the book or the author. But, he was telling about the common thread of creative people. He interviewed many artists including comedians. And, he said that most artists had some kind of trauma where out of something horrific came something good. Lately, I am craving to be creative. There is definitely a pattern for me when I feel this way. It goes back to early childhood for me. Luckily, I had a mother who made sure I always had a new box of crayons. I always got a spin art kit, embroidery kit, lite brite or some kind of gift I could be creative with. And, I would make do with what I had. My favorite cardboard to work on was from my dad's shirts when they came back from the cleaner. And, we lived on the same block as a printing press, so I would go through their garbage and find the best paper to draw on. When I got into my car yesterday to face the daunting task of moving out of my house for ten years, this song I am sharing today. When I would listen to this song when I was seventeen, I wasn't usually in a creative state. But, I would wonder how someone so young could write so many words I could relate to and feel. Seventeen was definitely not a time I had to be creative. Actually, most years growing up it was school, working in a restaurant, and babysitting that kept me busy. Last year was really the first year I could dive into a creative life and do something each day. It was very ironic I got my work to be approved to be sold in a store and then my married life came crashing down on me. It was the very same day. I had an appointment to bring my work to the store the next week. I brought everything and had to sign a contract for how I would get paid. I brought it to them with shelves they could display it with. I didn't sign the contract. I just said it is yours. I don't care if I see a dime from it. I know I am going to have to move out of my house soon, and I can't stand the sight of it all. She took it and I was thankful. So, this feeling of wanting to create again is weighing me down. When I write in the morning I wake up with the feeling of having to write. But, it is in the computer. When I want to create I have to have the supplies, and the space, and the idea of what to do with it next. I made and sold over one thousand greeting cards when we had the store in Asbury Park. And, I had no idea it was that many until I placed my third order of blank cards one summer. I was working full time commuting to Woodbridge, and when I started counting, it was at least one hundred a month I was selling. I had not a clue. I have a hard time validating myself. But, I can tell you I loved making those cards. They were copies of old postcards from my dad's collection and I would glitter them. When sorting through all of my "stuff", I am wanting to throw most of it out or donate. But, there is a part of me that craves creating again. With all the flea markets and craft shows in Ocean Grove, I should be able to sell again. I don't want that pattern in my life, again. So, I have decided to just try it this year, and then maybe it will be out of my system. I just want to use up all of the supplies I have on hand. I wouldn't dare buy anymore. And, most of all the take of yesterday was the music I heard on the radio as I drove to my house to get a car load, and take it to Madonna House in Neptune to donate. Each one had a comforting message. I have to start writing them down. But, this one from Jackson Browne is one of my favorites from the Late from the Sky album. I never heard it on the radio before. The last time I probably heard it was forty five years ago. The next song on the radio was Silver Lining from First Aid Kit. And, as each day passes I am feeling the silver linings more then the clouds......thank God!!!! Quote of the day: "There's a crack in everything, that is how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen Song of the day: "Song for a Dancer" Jackson Browne Late for the sky